My Complete Molar Pregnancy

Below you will read about my second pregnancy loss; my complete molar pregnancy journey. My symptoms, diagnosis, treatment, aftermath, etc.

TRIGGER WARNING: this may be a difficult read as I spare no detail in my experience and my emotions going through it.

Beautiful art found on Instagram by @inlynillustrasies

It All Started...

on June 30th 2021 when I took a pregnancy test to learn I was pregnant. I still have the cutest video of me showing my husband the pregnancy test while he was holding our son (2 years old at the time) on the couch and smiling when he realized we were going to add our third child to the mix. My son smiled too...it was all so sweet. My husband and I were both so excited and honestly I didn't realize how badly I wanted another baby until I was sitting there processing it all.

My sister had also told me she was pregnant a couple weeks before, our babies were going to be 5 weeks apart! Again, another sweet video of me announcing to her that our children were going to be best friends via newborn onesies. Another video I cannot bring myself to delete and that I will probably never share.

I told all of my sisters and my mother, but kept it at that because I wanted to see the heartbeat at my first ultrasound. For me, having already experienced a pregnancy loss with my first pregnancy, seeing the heartbeat on the ultrasound helps ease that first trimester anxiety nearly every mother has probably felt.

July 29th, 8-Week Ultrasound

I went in for my 8-week ultrasound. (8 weeks and 3 days to be exact as I knew the date we conceived) I was by myself as my husband had to work and I was fairly confident that we were ok. When I say that, I mean I had all the pregnancy symptoms (tender breasts, gagging when brushing my teeth, hell! my stomach had even grown) and I had not had any bleeding to indicate otherwise. The tech started on my belly with the ultrasound and had the screen out for me to see. Going through two pregnancies already, I knew what to look for but wasn’t seeing it. After a while the ultrasound tech said that we would have to go vaginally to get a better look because I wasn’t as far along. She asked me to confirm the start of my last period date and started the ultrasound again, this time without showing me the screen. That should have been my first clue.

She kept a good face on and after a while she said she needed to go get a physician to speak with me. I looked at her and asked what was going on and she said “there is no baby.” She said there is a gestational sac but it appears to be empty. I sent a text to my husband and I texted my sister, who had sent me well wishes before the appointment. I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me. Not in a million years did I think this would ever happen to me again.

The OB on shift at the time came in and told me that I was most likely miscarrying because the shape of my uterus looked to be shrinking. What she didn’t see in the ultrasound or what didn’t draw her attention were the grape like cysts. I cried and asked some questions which she answered and she gave me a hug which was comforting...I love hugs. Before I left they drew blood to check my hCG (pregnancy hormone) levels, they scheduled me for an appointment with my regular OB and told me to get another blood draw the day before that appointment. Then they sent me on my way.

I made it out of the waiting room and to the comfort of my car before I just completely lost it and sobbed. On my drive home I called my pregnant sister and sobbed some more. When I got home, my husband called after seeing my texts and said he was on his way home from work so I wouldn’t have to be home alone. It was a long, long dreadful day. Many of the same emotions as my first loss. I had immediate thoughts of what I did wrong? Why me? This isn’t fair. You name it, I thought it that day.

August 1st, Ultrasound Results:

Uterus: Irregular shaped gestational sac with no yolk sac or fetal pole visualized. Heterogeneous tissue noted surrounding gestational sac.

August 3rd

I got my blood drawn as instructed by the OB. On July 29th my HCG levels were at 90,051. On August 3rd the levels came back at 155,076. I thought huh? How can it be rising? With my last loss it went down…maybe, just maybe the OB, the ultrasound tech, and the ultrasound results are just wrong. Maybe the baby isn’t as far along as we thought? For some reason I actually had hope going into my next appointment that maybe the baby was still there…

August 4th

I saw my regular OB who I’ve known since 2018, who delivered my daughter and my 2 nephews. She took one look at my ultrasound and combined that with the rising hCG levels and said “this looks like a molar pregnancy.” She ordered another ultrasound and once she saw those images she confirmed that yes it was in fact a molar pregnancy and ordered a D&C (Dilation and Curettage) to have it surgically removed the following day. The small hope I had of there being a baby was crushed and now I had to start digesting this diagnosis.
Most of you I’m sure have never heard of the term “Molar Pregnancy” and I’m sure you want to know what that is. This is how I understand it: so, there are 2 types of molar pregnancy. One is a partial molar where two sperm fertilizes one egg 69 chromosomes total; 23 chromosomes from the egg and 46 from the sperm. The other is a complete molar pregnancy where an empty egg with no maternal chromosomes is fertilized by one or two sperm. Meaning 23-46 chromosomes, but all from the sperm, no genetic material from the mother. In a normal/non-molar pregnancy you get 23 chromosomes from the egg and 23 chromosomes from the sperm. So a tumor formed in my uterus instead of the placenta and it became a mass of fluid-filled sacs/cysts. This was the knowledge I had going in to get the surgery to remove the molar pregnancy.

August 5th, D&C Day

Surgery to remove molar pregnancy. Before I went into surgery we had my OB explain what we should expect and what would come of this, etc. She said that once we get everything out they would send it to pathology to discover whether it was a partial or complete molar. She said we would hope for a partial molar. She explained that if it’s a partial molar we will monitor your hCG levels until they go to 0 and when the levels return to 0, we would be able to try again for another baby. She said if it’s a complete molar that again they would monitor my hCG levels until they return to 0, but that I would have to be placed on the birth control pill to ensure that I do not become pregnant for up to a year to ensure that my levels never rise. In both partial and complete molar pregnancies, hCG levels are monitored weekly to make sure the levels are going down. If the hCG levels ever plateau or rise then that means the tumor is growing back and I would have to undergo chemotherapy to remove tumor cells and reduce the chance of it spreading to my lungs. My OB assured me that this becoming cancer is super rare and only happens to 15-20% of women. But my first thought was, “yea it’s rare, but so are molar pregnancies and here I am.” I am another statistic. I am 1 in 1,000 women in the US. I just wanted a baby to complete our family…and I ended up with a tumor…and now there is talk about possible cancer? This is so unfair…

So anyways back to August 5th and the D&C. As I laid there waiting to be put under I was looking up at the operating room lights and couldn’t believe that this was the second time in a year that I was looking up at those lights (August 2nd 2020 was my appendectomy. My daughter was only 11 days old). For some reason I find those lights terrifying, even though both my surgeries are very routine and less invasive, it’s still terrifying to be put under anesthesia hoping nothing goes wrong and you wake up! My OB held my hand as I was being put under and that helped a lot. My OB was very happy with the surgery, there was minimal blood, they removed it all and we would meet in 2 weeks to discuss the pathology results and move forward with a plan.

August 13th, Pathology Results

The pathology results from my surgically removed molar pregnancy indicated that I had a “complete molar pregnancy” meaning back on birth control and not allowed to become pregnant. That was another hard pill to swallow. I want to have my baby on my own timeline and my own terms, I don’t want it to be dictated by doctors. Also, a complete molar pregnancy means a baby never formed. Was I even allowed to grieve if there was no baby at all? I remember getting this news as I was getting ready for work and I just sat there crying on our couch. After I allowed myself that cry, I got the kids ready and off I went to drop them off at the sitter and go to work. I could have taken time off, but work was a distraction.

Side Note - it is amazing that women go through losses like this with no bereavement in the United States...just baffling.

August 18th, First Weekly Blood Draw

My first of many weekly blood draws to check my hCG levels. I got the results later that afternoon and my hCG levels had gone down from 155,076 to 2,152!!! Whoa! I thought, maybe this won’t take as long as we thought. I have researched online and learned that hCG levels can take months to drop and here mine are dropping significantly. This gave me some hope. Honestly at this point, I was looking for any silver lining as the past 21 days had been so tormenting.

August 19th, Appointment With OB

At the appointment with my OB she checked my hCG levels and she didn't have the same enthusiasm I did, but like I said, I was taking my wins when I could. She said we would continue to monitor hCG weekly and then monthly once the levels stay at 0. She also said as long as they stay at 0 for six consecutive months, we can get the all clear to come off of birth control and try again. She stressed how important taking the birth control is and that if I became pregnant they wouldn’t know if my rising hCG levels were because of a baby or because of cancer. So, I left with my birth control prescription and my weekly orders and to come back in one month to monitor my depression as I wasn't sure if I wanted to be placed on an antidepressant just yet. Yes, shock, I was mildly depressed.

Then Came August 22nd...

Now before we get to this August 22nd date, I’ll give a few more details. At my last appointment my OB told me that I wouldn’t be expecting my period until my levels reached 0. But the night of August 19th, I started to bleed. Honestly, I stupidly thought this was a good sign, that my body was finally doing something right (yes, I was mad at my body for tricking me. The ultimate betrayal) and that I started my period. I emailed my OB Friday morning (Aug. 20th) to let her know what was happening and to make sure this was “okay.”
I used a tampon because that’s what I use. But even though I had a tampon, blood was still coming out and messing up my underwear. It was all very light though so I just took the tampon out and continued with pads. A detail that now makes sense is that the tampons were only bloody on the end/tail part. (I’m so sorry about all the bloody details here and in the next part) But I thought nothing of it. All day Saturday and Sunday I wore one pad because I hardly bled.

Sunday August 22nd, started off as a normal day. We went to our little cousin’s soccer game with my family, took the kids home for lunch and put them down for their naps. I took a beautiful 2 hour nap myself.
My husband made dinner and around 6:30pm we went for our usual walk around the neighborhood. When we got back my husband started tubs for the kids and I told him I was going to go to the pharmacy to get my birth control prescription as I was ordered to start that on Sunday. But before I left I felt a gush of blood. And I was like okay time for a tampon and a pad. So, I did that and wiped and there was more blood, wiped again and there was more blood. Got up to call my sister (she's a nurse practitioner) and just felt more gushing. I sat down to discover that the pad I had just put on was full and when I went to pull out the tampon a huge blood clot came out as well. (Again, I’m sorry for those who struggle with blood). I put on another pad, took a picture of the clot to send to my sister and then called her. She told me to go in. It was the 2nd pad I had filled in a matter of one minute and now there are clots. So, I went upstairs to calmly explain to my husband who was bathing the kids that I needed to go into the ER and to not worry…I called my sister again and sobbed because I feared that this was a complication from the D&C and that I was going to lose my uterus. That truly was my thought and I called my pregnant sister and sobbed...sorry sister.
Once I got to the ER they took me straight back to a room and we discussed everything I stated above. A med student came in to talk to me and I explained to him about my complete molar pregnancy and he explained stuff back. He said “you’re the first patient I’ve ever talked to that has had a molar pregnancy and it’s cool that you are going through what we are reading about in our textbooks…” Honestly I wasn’t insulted at all, I was going to go into the health field way back when and I remember doing a clinical round and “geeking” out about another’s misery, because it is kind of “cool” to see it first hand after reading about it. But of course, I couldn’t pass up a snarky opportunity so I said “ah yes I am so glad to be that 1 in 1,000 for you” and we laughed, but then I started crying. Ugh I’m so weird. After he got uncomfortable and left, the pregnant nurse who witnessed this all said “I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through and I know that me being your nurse is super hard” and I cried some more and I told her not to apologize for being pregnant and congratulations to her. She said I don’t know what you are going through, but I do know loss as she had had a miscarriage before this pregnancy. (This right here is a great way to talk to others that have gone through a loss like this, this girl gets it!). I shared with her that I miscarried before my first pregnancy and that even though I already have two children, it does not change the pain you feel. I also shared a fun fact with her that August 22nd is “national rainbow baby day” and she thought that was cool.

Ok so I realize I went off on a little tangent there. So, after all this talk they left me sitting there for a while and I just swiped through my phone and waited trying to remain calm. When a nurse returned she asked how the bleeding was and we both looked down at the same time and I didn’t even notice that blood had been pooling beneath me. Both nurses got me up and cleaned me and redressed me with disposable underwear and two pads this time for good measure. Both showed me a lot of compassion in these vulnerable moments. Nurses really are wonderful human beings. Then they left again and the Michigan scrub cap nurse came back and said people from OB were coming to do a pelvic exam and an ultrasound. I asked do you know when that will be because I’ve bled through again, as I lifted the blanket to show her. Again, new underwear and 2 pads. When the OB team arrived (4 women total and one was my OB! She happened to be on call and I was so glad to have a familiar face in the room with me). They did a pelvic exam and suctioned out a ton of clots. They pumped me full of so many medications to try and stop the bleeding. An oral pill to contract my uterus, a shot in the thigh, and even…rectal pills…yes, I said it, rectally administered pills…then she said that we may have to do another D&C and keep me overnight, but let’s see what an ultrasound shows us.

Then came the bedside ultrasound and my OB said everything looked great. The ovaries, the uterine wall, everything looked great. So why hadn’t the bleeding stopped?!? After more literal suction, bleeding, suction, bleeding…my OB spotted it…I had a laceration/cut on the anterior side of my vagina. My OB would put her finger over the cut and the blood would literally stop, then she would remove her finger and the blood would flow. How in the F*** did that happen, you ask? The ER nurses had a theory and I’ll get back to that.

So, they numbed me and stitched me up right there in the ER and the bleeding stopped…just like that it was done. No more bleeding. In order for me not to feel much pain they gave me Dilaudid through my IV and holy shit did I feel loopy, but I didn’t feel any pain, so that was an upside. All I thought was, wow people do this for fun?!? This is not fun.

As they were stitching me I had a moment to just think, now that the panic seemed to be over and I started thinking about how awful the whole month of August had been. I felt like I was in the bottom of a garbage can and all this garbage just kept getting thrown on me and I was drowning and choking on it. This of course had me silently crying. The pregnant nurse was by my side the whole time and held my hand through it all.

As I was getting my last stitch my husband arrived (my sister was able to stay with the kids. Again, thanks sister). They let me rest for an hour and checked me for bleeding and there was none. So, they started discharging me. The Michigan scrub cap nurse told me her and the other ER nurses’ theory and I’m going with it: they think that during the D&C, maybe I was nicked and the cut clotted itself off. Then when it started to bleed, the tampon I inserted opened the cut more and then it kept clotting and clotting until my body decided to get rid of it all?!?! Seems logical to me as my OB said a tampon cannot give you a cut like that!

As they were discharging me they had me stand up…. that was difficult but I got to the wheelchair and told them I felt nauseous. My husband left to pull up the truck and as they were wheeling me toward the exit everything got fuzzy…I told the Michigan scrub cap nurse that I was going to be sick and I got really sweaty and then...black...
I passed out. Ugh.
When I came to they were doing an EKG and inserting another IV to get me back on fluids. My husband had to park the truck again and come back to my bedside. My pulse went down to 40 they said and I started out with a hemoglobin of 12.5 (normal rate is 12) and I ended up with a hemoglobin of 9 (7 is when they do blood transfusions).
It was all a lot and I cried again because I felt like ass and I just wanted to go home. After another IV bag of fluids, more Zofran to help with nausea, and some apple juice they did multiple blood pressure readings and then felt comfortable to discharge me again. And this time I made it out of the hospital and to the truck where we were finally able to go home. I was still nauseous and so tired. When we got home I removed the EKG stickers and crawled into bed. I was so scared something else was going to happen but I drifted off to sleep and woke up about 5:30 am and that is when I started typing this all out. Seeing it all in print really just blows my mind to how awful everything all was. This is also when I knew I wanted to start a blog or website of some sort.

Takeaways...

I’m alive and I’m in relatively good health. Especially once my blood remade itself ; )
I have two beautiful children, but that doesn’t take away the sting of the past month and the fact that I was pregnant and I lost another baby.
My first miscarriage, my angel baby, allowed for this molar pregnancy to be caught early. Me being considered an “at risk pregnancy” because of my first miscarriage, allowed me to have an early ultrasound. That and my amazing OB caught and diagnosed this early on.
Maybe I’m supposed to be some sort of advocate? Maybe I am supposed to share my story for awareness or so women who go through this or any type of miscarriage for that matter, feel less lonely. (For those of you that have never experienced a pregnancy loss, it is an indescribable pain you feel and go through. You feel empty, you feel betrayed by your body and God, you blame yourself, etc).
For those of you who have never gone through miscarriage and don’t know what to say to those who have, simply say “I’m so sorry for your loss” for me that is the most impactful thing to hear. That you acknowledge my loss. I think my sisters put it best. They gave me a beautiful necklace to honor and memorialize my 2 pregnancy losses. In the note that came with their gift said “we have no words that will help, but we have ears to listen, arms to hold and hearts to love”
I don’t want to suffer in silence like so many women think they have to do. Miscarriage happens to 1 in 4 pregnancies! Why is this such a stigma?!?
Maybe someday I’ll share my story more publicly, when my story is through, that is. But even then I struggle to think about doing so because people will think it’s too personal or that I’m seeking attention…so I don't know...

All I know is I’m taking this day by day. I have seeked out a therapist who specializes in pregnancy loss and I have a lot of work to do.
I have a lot I am grateful for and a lot to look forward to. I need to cherish every single moment I have with my children and husband. Maybe someday we will have another or maybe we are done having children. I still have faith in God and His plan for me, even though it’s super hard right now.