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My Complete Molar Pregnancy Journey Continued...

Life After My Diagnosis

My journey started when I first didn't see our baby in my ultrasound and when I was diagnosed with having a molar pregnancy. 

Below are my thoughts and experiences I have gone through since my Emergency Room visit and what I continue to go through.

September

I met with my OB and as you can see below, my hCG levels started to take their sweet ass time dropping. But finally, they did drop below 5 and my OB scheduled monthly appointments and I will physically meet with her in 6 months. I believe sometime in April 2022 we have planned. That is, if all goes well with the hCG levels these upcoming months. I also decided I wanted to be put on antidepressants. 

October

Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month. I shared this on Instagram and just put two angel baby emojis. It was subtle but this made it public to me and I was very anxious. At my therapy session we spoke about this and I cried for the first time in one whole month. That is super rare for me as I am a crier. I want to share my story so that people will feel less alone, but it's hard. 
October 15th, Wave of Light.

Two candles lit this year. This hit hard. Again, I shared on Instagram. I said in my post: “To those of you who are also suffering loss or know of someone who is, please feel free to reach out if you ever need someone to talk to. No one needs to go through this alone. I am here for you!” That very same night, someone reached out. She said that she saw my Instagram post and she wanted to thank me for sharing. She also shared her experiences with me and we texted back and forth that night and again the next day. This validated to me that me sharing even a tiny bit of my story matters. It helps people. I want to help.

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~Talking about miscarriage is not attention seeking. It is connection seeking ~

October 17th

I decided to come off of antidepressants after using them for almost 2 months. They really did work, they took the edge off. Despite one side-effect, they really did serve their purpose quite well. I personally just want to feel my emotions and let them come. I think its ok to cry and I think it helps with stress, but that’s just me.

However, this past week and a half has been quite an adjustment without the antidepressant. I get waves of grief and depression that I am trying to work through. It is very tough. This journey has changed me a lot, I will never be the same. I know that someday it will hurt less, so I keep chugging along. “Just Keep Swimming” as Dory from Finding Nemo would say. It has become a mantra.

Side-note: Follow your doctor's instructions on how to get off antidepressants. You must wean yourself off, never just stop taking them all together!!!

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November - December

November and December I stayed pretty busy with holiday festivities. My levels remained below 5. Therapy continues to go well. End of the year was tough seeing everyone post how great their 2021 had been. I'm glad for them, but I was sad because it was hard for me. 

January - February

The winter months have been hard to stay busy when you are cooped up inside. I had a "grief bomb" hit me in the last week of January. Out of nowhere I just felt really bad and could not stop crying. Luckily I had my husband there to hear me out and talk me through it. My husband and I joined a fitness challenge through my bootcamp instructor. I am focusing on my body and trying to be as healthy as I can. Learning to love my body after this loss has been extremely difficult. With everything being so out of my control as far as the waiting game for when we can try to conceive again, what I do with my body and how I nourish it is about the only thing I do have control over. 

March

March was a big month for me! On March 3rd I got my final blood draw. It was again negative and stayed below 5 for six consecutive months. I emailed my OB and she cleared me and approved of me getting off of my birth control! Meaning we are able to try again to conceive. This is both very exciting and scary all at the same time. 

My husband sent me to Florida by myself for a couple of days in March (March 6th to March 9th) to crash my parents vacation. The weather was lovely and I really enjoyed myself. I did morning beach walks every day. I don't know what it is about the beach and the waves, it is so incredibly calming. It was a great time to reflect on the last 9 months. March 9th, 2022 would have been our Molar Baby's due date. It was a tough day. I posted a poem I made for our Molar Baby (see blog for poem)  and posted it to social media. My friends and family were very receptive and I received a lot of love and kind words, so that helped. 

It is good to say that we can now close the chapter of my Molar Pregnancy Journey. On to the next chapter...

Lots of Blood Draws...

Every blood draw is a constant reminder of my loss and the hell I have been through.

It is definitely triggering. 

The purpose of the blood draws is to ensure that the hCG levels go down and stay below a 5. I had to get my levels tested weekly and once they were below a 5 (it took me about 2 months to get below 5), then I got the levels tested monthly for 6 months. If the levels were to ever plateau or rise, then I would have to meet with an Oncologist to undergo chemotherapy to treat choriocarcinoma. With complete molar pregnancies, there is a 15-20% chance of this happening and it is very treatable. 

Luckily my levels dropped and continued to stay that way. 

Take it one week at a time...and then one month at a time...

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Weekly HCG Levels:
Date              Previous HCG    Current HCG    

July 29th        1,203.60                  90,051.00         
Aug 3rd         90,051.00                155,076             
Aug 18th       155,076.00               2,152.00          
Aug 22nd      2,152.00                   890.10             
Aug 30th       890.10                      115.20             
Sept 8th        115.20                       27.40              
Sept 16th        27.40                       9.40                
Sept 22nd         9.40                       5.30                
Oct 1st              5.30                       2.50               

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FINALLY BELOW 5!

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Monthly HCG Levels (to ensure I stay >5 for six consecutive months):
Date         Current HCG    

Oct 1st           2.5

Nov 1st          1.1              
Dec 1st          1.0              

Jan 3rd          1.0     

Feb 3rd             1.0     

March 3rd      1.0         

Levels stayed below 5 for 6 months straight. No more bloodwork! DONE!   

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​My OB cleared me to get off birth control!

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