Pregnancy After Loss (PAL) Journey: 2nd Trimester
We have made it to the 2nd trimester with my 6th pregnancy, 3rd earth-side child, and 2nd rainbow baby. Pretty big milestone in the pregnancy loss world.
In this post I will be discussing weeks 15 through 27. As I have said before, I really wish I had kept a weekly journal throughout this pregnancy, but I will do my best to recall what I can think of.
15-18 Weeks Pregnant
September 2nd, I took my first "bump picture" at 15 weeks and 1 day. With my son I took pictures of my bump progress every other week from positive test to 38 weeks (I forgot to take the last 40wks picture...who does that?) With my second pregnancy with my daughter I hardly took any bump pics. Sorry second and third child, pregnancy while chasing toddlers around...you just sort of forget.
I don't have much else to report for these weeks. I didn't feel many flutters, so that was worrisome, but I had my fetal doppler and kept hearing the heartbeat every night, so I tried not to overthink it.
19 Weeks Pregnant
At exactly 19wks I felt first movements/flutters. With my son I had an anterior placenta and I didn't feel his first kick until 23 weeks! This was the first time I knew the movement was baby. I had to press down quite a bit with my hand to feel that sensation. So, I wondered if I had another anterior placenta with this pregnancy too...
20 Weeks Pregnant
October 6th, 2022 was our 20wk anatomy scan. I was a bit anxious leading up to this one. As I said I hadn't felt much movement and I really wanted everything to be ok with no abnormalities. My husband and I opted out of the 13wk NIPT testing. We decided since we have never done testing with our other pregnancies, that we wouldn't start now.
We went back and did the ultrasound, everything looked great and the ultrasound tech confirmed that I did in fact have an anterior placenta with this pregnancy, which would explain why I wasn't feeling much movement yet. We met with my OB afterwards and no abnormalities were found in the ultrasound. I felt better and more reassured.
The next day, October 7th we had our gender reveal celebration with most of our immediate family members. With our past pregnancies we have always done something different. With my son, I didn't find out the gender until birth. With our daughter, my husband and I found out right there at the 20wk ultrasound (we also had that scan 3-12-2020 (the day before the COVID shutdown)). So, this go around my husband wanted a gender reveal party. I felt differently at first. I was like it's our third kid, no one will care or want to come, plus I would be the first in my family to do one. (See those negative thoughts creeping in). I spoke with my sisters and they said they would come, my oldest sister said she wanted to open the envelope and be the gender secret keeper (she was really excited, which made me excited).
I bought both blue and pink gender reveal confetti poppers. We gave my sister the envelope and she gave us the correct color poppers. And we discovered we were having....
A BOY!
Honestly, I had a strong hunch we were having a boy. This was a very similar pregnancy to my sons and with my daughter I was so sick the 1st trimester, so I already kind of figured. But it was so much fun to see that blue powder and confetti and to have my loved ones celebrate around me. Definitely a memory I will always cherish. My husband on the other hand was hoping for a girl, but he would eventually get over it ;) haha
Our family of five would be two boys and a girl (also a male dog) so Sissy and I are outnumbered :)
October 11th, was the first time I felt baby boy kick!
October 14th, my husband and I celebrated our 5-year anniversary. We have been through so much as a couple and we are still standing united. <3 I'm not sure what I would do without him and our beautiful family we have created.
21 Weeks Pregnant
October 15th, 2022 was my 5th year participating in the Wave of Light movement. I was 21wks 2days pregnant. I lit 3 candles this year for our 3 pregnancy losses.
22-24 Weeks Pregnant
October kept us pretty busy with fall and Halloween activities. Always grateful for busy seasons for distractions.
25 Weeks Pregnant
Bumps first concert November 9th. I was 24wks 6days.
I went with all of my siblings to a Five Finger Death Punch concert (rock on).
I believe it was during this week that my husband shared with me that his coworker was PAL. He said she was 16wks and was feeling anxious about her pregnancy. He asked me if she could borrow my fetal doppler. I was very proud/impressed with my husband. He has been seeing me struggle with my own anxiety during PAL and wanted to help out another. Instantly I was like "yes, of course." I cleaned it and got it around for her and I even left a little note with my phone number telling her that I know how hard PAL can be and that if she needed to talk she could reach out at any time. She did reach out and thank me.
BUT, not having my fetal doppler left me feeling uneasy. I could feel movements more regularly from baby, but I had a bit of panic knowing that I could not use the doppler whenever I wanted because I had loaned it out to someone else! So that was something...
*She returned the doppler to my husband a few weeks later. And I actually still have not used it since she returned it...interesting right? I depended so much on this device and after a few weeks of not having it, I was fine not using it when I got it back. Just weird.
26 Weeks Pregnant
November 18th, 2022 was when I decided to go public with my pregnancy on my Blog and Instagram (@Forgetmenotpregnancyloss).
Now as I said before, I don't know why I waited so long to share our great news with the pregnancy loss community. This community has been so supportive and has provided me with such comfort. After our complete molar pregnancy, I turned to this community and have never left. These amazing people and their posts and sharing their stories has really made me feel less alone these past couple of hard years.
I was having a combination of emotions and mixed feelings. First, I was so scared to share and then possibly have something go wrong. But, then again, I share my losses on my Blog and Instagram anyways, so maybe it wasn't that as much. I think the real reason I was hesitant to share is that I didn't want to make anyone feel bad. There are families on here who have been trying to conceive their first child or their rainbow babies for YEARS! And me sharing that I am now pregnant and expecting our rainbow baby...I just felt guilt. I felt like me sharing my happy and exciting news while others are suffering their losses, seemed wrong. I am a very empathetic individual and PAL is so tricky and there are so many emotions. I created my Blog and Instagram to help women and families feel less alone. I hope the way I shared it, by putting a "pregnancy announcement warning" on the post so people could choose to keep scrolling instead of being blindsided, was the right way to do it. If there even is a right way. I believe it was received well.
27 Weeks Pregnant
Bumps first Thanksgiving. We also put up our Christmas tree early this year because we got some early snow and it really got into the spirit of things. I also bought or 2022 X-mas ornament :)
That concludes the 2nd trimester. Looking back on all the highlights, it was way better than the first trimester. Still anxiety, but not nearly as bad.
I was looking more forward to the future and not as scared of it.
As always, please feel free to message me and reach out at anytime :)
You are not alone.
-Katie