"There is no baby..."

One year ago today, on July 29th, 2021, I heard those dreadful 4 words from an ultrasound technician at my 8w 3d ultrasound. “There is no baby…” nothing can prepare you for those words. This would be my second pregnancy loss and would later be diagnosed as a complete molar pregnancy. I didn't even see it coming. Of course since I've experienced pregnancy loss before, with our first pregnancy in 2018, I knew it was a possibility. But I made it past 7 weeks (I was 7 weeks when I lost my first pregnancy) and there was no bleeding. I even had pregnancy symptoms!

I was numb. I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me. I had a miscarriage already with our first pregnancy, then we went on to have two healthy pregnancies and two children earth-side. I thought my pregnancy loss experiences were over…not in a million years did I think this would ever happen to me again.

The July 29th date is very emotional for me to think back on. This date and many dates in August leading up to my complete molar pregnancy diagnosis, have permanently scarred me.

I will never be the same person again. And that’s ok with me…to an extent.

Look, this is the hand that was dealt to me. It was a shitty hand, no denying that, but I had no choice in the matter. I had to keep moving forward. I had a 2 yr old and 1 yr old at the time depending on me. I had no other choice but to be “strong.” Was I strong everyday? No. Did I lose myself to grief when I had a moment to myself in the shower or when I laid in bed trying to fall asleep? Yes! So many times. Moving forward, do I wish that I didn’t have to live in constant fear of my future fertility? Absolutely.

On the other hand, this loss brought me to my blog and to this pregnancy loss community I find myself in today. After our first loss I considered starting a blog, but never went through with it. After being diagnosed with a complete molar pregnancy, which is rare, I decided it was time. And time I had...It’s a tough community to be a part of and I don’t wish it on anyone. However, I have met so many kind and caring people. They know what it’s like and they know how to support pregnancy loss survivors, WARRIORS rather! I feel less alone because of them.

That is why I started Forget Me Not. To empower women to share their pregnancy loss stories. To remember their babies, who matter! To connect and feel safe. My story and my losses brought me here and I am healing

To my Molar Baby. You will never be forgotten, I think about you often and how you would be 4 going on 5 months old already. I wish you could have formed and stayed with us. You are so loved.